Looking for Heaven
by Obito-Wan Kenobi
Summary: Sakura and Hinata are two girls struggling with their own problems - one of those is falling in love. Modern high school AU. KakaSaku & NejiHina.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hello! Just a little warning before you start reading. This story explores the taboo and there are some quite dark themes in it. You have been warned. Enjoy!

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Chapter One

**To: Hinata**

**From: Sakura**

**Subject: A confession**

Hinata, I have known you almost all my life, and I feel that I can fully trust you to tell my confession. Please do not judge me for what I'm about to say, because that will only break my heart into pieces since you're the only person I can tell. Also, please keep this to yourself. I don't want anybody else to know.

I am in love with a man fifteen years older than I am. It's not a crush. I know it's not a crush. Crushes only last for a few months. I _really _am in love with him. I've been in love with him since the day I laid my eyes on him.

It happened during the entrance ceremony. The school headmaster was delivering a boring speech, and my eyes were still heavy because I didn't get much sleep the previous night. Before I could close my eyes and quietly fall asleep, the headmaster ended his speech and walked back to his seat. What happened next was a bright shade of gray filling my vision. He awkwardly stood behind the podium, grinning like a fool. Despite the awkwardness radiating from him, I found him irresistibly charming. It was probably because of the sharpness of his jawline, his deep meaningful black eyes, and his gray hair. I thought he was an old man of fifty at first, but I later I didn't find a single trace of wrinkles on his face. There is an air surrounding him that makes you feel attracted to him the moment you set your eyes on him—it has the same effect on the girls at my school, as well. I fell hopelessly in love with him right away.

He teaches Japanese to second year students, as well as first year, but only to some classes. His name is Hatake Kakashi. I often find myself saying his name in my own solitude, my mouth taking a trip on the three syllables that sounds oh so sweet in my ears.

Nothing significant happened throughout my first year of school. I remember cursing at no one particular because he didn't teach my class. But I would always look away whenever I came across him in the hallway. I don't think he noticed me for my pink hair. It's odd because it would usually bring attention to those who sees it.

Then something happened, Hinata.

This spring when I came into the classroom and sat down on my desk in the middle row as a second year student, Hatake-sensei walked in and announced he is my homeroom teacher. My heart was beating so fast I was scared that people could hear. Or maybe I was scared for it to pop right out of my chest. I tried to remain calm, but my face felt like it was burning.

Again, he stood there behind his desk, grinning like an idiot just like when I first saw him. When he called my name for attendance, I felt the warmth from my cheeks slowly crawl down to my stomach, and finally reached my loins. His voice saying my name echoed in my head, and I felt my whole being turning to jelly. I couldn't understand why his voice was able to turn on all of my senses. I could smell the blossoms outside the school building and the hot lunches my classmates had in their bags. I could hear the faint footsteps in the hallway loud and clear. It was a strange experience.

My love for him started out as an innocent, normal schoolgirl crush, but then it developed into something deeper as quickly as the changing of the seasons. And then, I began to lust over him.

I was lying in bed one night and suddenly I remembered the first time he said my name during attendance. I felt tingling sensations between my thighs, and I wondered if that was the feeling my friends liked to talk about. I pictured kissing him, while his fingers trail down my skin and have sex with me. That was the first time I've ever masturbated, and he was on my mind the whole time until I finished.

I'm sorry if that was weird and made you uncomfortable, but I want to come clean to you about everything. So please bear with it.

At times I find myself admiring the tightness of his buttoned down shirt around his chest. I imagine running my fingers there and down to his abdomen. I reach inside his pants and feel his excitement in my hand, and I hear his dark voice saying my name.

Oh my god, I want him. I want him. I want him. I want him.

All these thoughts are slowly destroying me I can't even go to school and look at him in the eye. I've begun to fear of him able to see right through me and know all of my secrets that I've kept so deeply in my heart.

I'm at home right now, instead of being there at school attending classes like any other students should be doing. I haven't been able to sleep these past few weeks ever since I slowly stopped showing up to school. I wouldn't be able to sleep until I confess everything to someone. And you are that someone, Hinata.

I'm sorry if my confessing has somewhat bothered you. If you look at things from a _normal _point of view, you will think that I'm disgusting and perverted for wanting to bang my teacher. Maybe I am disgusting. Maybe I am perverted. But I love him. And I desire him.

Please answer,

Sakura


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

**To: Sakura**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Subject: A confession**

If I have to be honest, I was taken aback when I read the first few paragraphs of your email. As I continued to read, I began to understand what you must have been feeling. Was I disgusted when you told me you masturbated to your teacher? No. Was I uncomfortable about it? Yes, because I don't talk about sexual things that often. As a matter of fact, I'm completely clueless about it. I had to look up "masturbate" online and the pictures that came up explained it all.

But don't worry. I don't judge you for wanting your teacher. I can understand what you are feeling, Sakura. You love him and you want to call him yours, but you're afraid to admit it to the world because society thinks it's wrong. That kind of love is the hardest of them all, because it is forbidden—especially the age gap you have and your position as his student, he your teacher.

However Sakura, I don't think you should hide in your room and refuse to go to school. I don't think you can even hide in there forever. I understand the fear you have, but I know that you are stronger than that. Besides, it's only him. And he's just a regular human being like you and me.

I'm sorry if this email is short and doesn't please you that much. I don't know what else to say, but I'm always willing to listen to you. I am very glad that you decided to confide your secret to me. Please don't hesitate to write more. I hope you'll be able to sleep and go to school again soon.

Good luck.

Hinata


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hi, everyone. I'm back with a new chapter. Thank you for reviewing and adding this fanfic to your favourites list. Please enjoy reading this chapter!

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Chapter Three

**To: Hinata**

**From: Sakura**

**Subject: Great news!**

I just got back from a long day of school and from the moment I stepped inside through the front door, I rushed to my room and turned on my computer just to write you this email to tell you all this because I think it will make you happy.

During the weeks I was absent, none of my friends from my class went to visit me and told me to get out. They just texted me and asked me why I wasn't going to school. Not even my dad knocked on my door. It was just mom, begging outside the room for me to open the door to let her help me. But last week mom knocked on my door again, begging as always, then her knocking grew harder and louder and she was basically banging on my door, hoping by doing so it would open. Then she started yelling at me words that, she expected, would bring me down. I've stopped listening to her insulting words about me since I was thirteen. They don't work anymore. Then she stopped bringing food to my door, but that didn't bother me either. I sneak out of the room when she's out to work.

One day, I was lying in my bed in the darkness, thinking of nothing in particular, when I heard Hatake-sensei's gentle voice outside my door. I sat up, wondering if I was starting to hear things. I waited for a while and again, I heard his voice. I thought it was a dream—a cruel dream. I got up and opened the door. I wasn't dreaming. Hatake-sensei was really standing in front of my door with a kind smile on his face.

It turned out my mom called the school and told him about me, and he decided to come to my house to pay me a visit. At first I thought he was there just to maintain his reputation as a teacher, but when I asked him again, he admitted it but also told me he was worried about me. I can still see the sincere smile on his face when he told me that. It still makes my heart race to this day.

He asked me what was bothering me. _Should I tell him?_ I pondered this question many times in my head. I finally told him, rather hesitantly, I was in love with someone, but it's impossible for me to have him, because we are worlds apart. I told him I locked myself up in my room to think about it deeper but it's getting me nowhere. Then he asked me if "that person" went to the same school as me. I nodded my head as an answer. He didn't have a single clue it was him I was talking about. Thank God.

He advised me, with a warm smile on his face, if I wanted to deal with it I had to face the music. Love is not a walk in the park, and hiding in my room won't solve anything. He said something like that, I can't remember.

The words that came out of his mouth reminded me of yours.

I asked him out of curiosity whether he had been in love before. I tried to sound as innocent as I could; hiding any trace of embarrassment or jealousy on my tone.

His eyes darkened, but he still kept his smile plastered on his face, which seemed strained. I wondered if I had asked him a very sensitive question, but I pretended not to notice the sudden change of his expression.

He told me he was in love with a girl once, when he was in junior high school. She had been in love with him for quite a while, but when he finally noticed her, it was too late.

I asked him what happened, thinking that she found another. He frankly told me she died in an accident. The pained look on his face made my heart feel heavy in my chest. I can understand from what he told me, he had decided to close his heart since then. He quickly dismissed it, with a forced smile, saying it was now all in the past, but I know he still thinks about her very often. I experienced a sharp pang of jealousy. It was ridiculous, really, but I couldn't help it.

I felt a little closer to him after he shared with me about his first love. I suppose, I was the first one to know about this because he seemed really embarrassed after telling me about it.

I never thought a kind man, like Hatake-sensei, could be so broken.

I finally went back to school today and everybody was surprised—including Hatake-sensei, but he seemed relieved and glad. Knowing that he cared about me (and his students) was what made me able to go back there.

He called me to the teachers' office during recess. I sat before him by his well-organized desk, and our knees almost brushed against each other. It made my heart flutter.

He expressed to me how happy he was to see me at school. I believed him. The smile on his face was genuine, and he did that habit of closing his eyes when he smiles, especially when he's happy.

I thanked him from the bottom of my heart for visiting and talking to me. I tried my very best not to blush, but I had a feeling my body betrayed me.

He's a very nice human being. I've fallen even more in love with him.

I'll write you again when there are more things I want to tell you.

How about you, Hinata? How are you and your family there? I should probably visit you during the break. I really miss you.

Sakura

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Don't forget to leave a review. It will really motivate me to continue this fanfic.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: I've decided to update this fanfic every two weeks (if I'm not busy). Here's another update. It's a bit short, but I hope you'll still enjoy it!

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Chapter Four

**To: Sakura**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Subject: Great news!**

I really am happy to know that, Sakura! How's school for you now? It's very thoughtful of your teacher to genuinely worry about you. Most would just pretend to maintain their reputations, but not him. You're very lucky!

And as for me? Honestly, I don't know. I couldn't sleep last night. I was scared to fall asleep. I was afraid to have nightmares. The fear was so overwhelming that I almost cried. But in the end, I didn't. I quickly went out of my room and opened the door towards the garden when I was close to breaking down. The cool air prickled my face and fingers, but it didn't bother me. I looked up and was surprised to find the moon beaming in the middle of the sky that night. I had expected for it to be hidden behind the dark clouds.

The moon is my only friend in my loneliest hour. It's always there to keep me company. But when it isn't, the stars are scattered across the sky and shine just for me. That's what my mother told me when I was younger. We liked to gaze at the starry sky every summer and I would always sit on her lap with her arms wrapped around me.

One time when I was seven years old, I felt so alone because my mother just passed away the previous night after giving birth to my sister. I went to the garden with tears running down my face. When I looked up into the night sky, I couldn't believe what I saw. I witnessed a shooting star. It reminded me of my mother's warmth and kindness, somehow. And the thought of her brought happiness back into my heart. I believed it was my mother telling me everything would be all right. I reached out my hands and if I put my mind to it, I could catch the fallen star with my own bare hands. I thought it would bring her back.

Do you remember that time in elementary when I shared to class that my dream was to catch a shooting star? And when the teacher disagreed with my dream and said it was very childish and unrealistic? My father was furious about it. Back then, I didn't understand why. But during recess, that was the first time you ever talked to me. You were so cute with your short pink hair and wide eyes. You looked like a doll.

I think it's a very good idea for you to come visit me and sleep over at my house for a few days over the winter break. I really miss you too. I'm looking forward to it. Let me know when you can.

My father and Hanabi are fine. He's been busy traveling back and forth from our hometown to Tokyo running the corporation. He usually goes back home during the weekend if he's not busy. Some times I wonder why we even moved to the countryside, but then I remember how much my grandparents and father loved this house and I can understand why. It's such a magnificent old house, which was built in late 19th century. There has been many memories made in this house and my father thought it would be a waste if he were to sell it. I quite agree with him.

Everything with Neji-nii-san has been very different lately. I'll tell you about it some other time otherwise this mail will be so long you're too lazy to read it.

Write me again soon.

Hinata

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Author's Note: Please let me know what you think! Be it a positive or negative review, I still appreciate it. Reviews keep me motivated to continue this story. I'll see you guys again in the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed it :D


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Hi, everyone! Sorry for the late update. I've been very busy with school. I'm sorry if it's a short one, but I want to explain Sakura's relationship with her dad. I hope you like it anyway!

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Chapter Five

**To: Hinata**

**From: Sakura**

**Subject: (no subject****)**

Hi, Hinata! Sorry for not writing you the past two weeks. Final exams are around the corner and I've been busy studying and helping out to fix my grades. Now is the only free time I have.

My mark on the Japanese mock exam is the lowest and I had taken remedial tests, but they're still below average. It's funny that I got a bad score on it, because I'm Japanese, but it's not my cup of tea and I find it so difficult, I don't know why. And so, Hatake-sensei made me help him with his work, as a make up for my bad results, everyday until before finals week. Being with him after school hours at the teachers' office is nerve-wracking, but I don't really care. I quite like the thrill rushing up my spine by just being near him.

He usually asks me to help him mark grades, get him coffee, and organize this or that. He some times tells me very lame jokes, but I can't help laughing at how bad they are. They somehow reminded me of my dad's jokes.

Then one time he asked me how my crush was. My whole face turned red and, stammering, I told him he seemed to be doing okay. He is still oblivious that my _crush _is him…but I'd like to remain that way.

I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you felt sad and lonely. I really wished I could give you a hug and talk to you, but I'm glad you felt better after looking at the sky. I feel the same way after looking out my window when I feel down. There's so much to look at from where I stand, such as my neighbor's houses and them walking their dogs. I find it really soothing, like how housewives like to look at jellyfish in the aquarium to calm themselves.

Yes, I do remember that time when we were in grade one and you shared to the whole class you wanted to catch a shooting star. I can still see clearly the admiration on our classmates' faces and the frown on our teacher's face. What was his name? Iruka-sensei? Anyway, I've always admired you since then.

I have the same issues as you. My dad has been neglecting me too. Not just me, but my mom as well. I guess it started some time on the second year of junior high school, around the time after you moved. He used to be a very fun person, making lame jokes and puns, laughing loudly with mom. Then one day he just stopped being that person. He always comes home late at night. He's never at home, but when he is he stays in his study and never goes out. I often woke up in the middle of the night and hear my parents fight. I found out during one of their arguments that he has a mistress. I know my mom wants to leave him, but I guess she's afraid of what everybody will think.

I used to hate the fun side of dad, but after all these years of silence from him, I want the old him back.

How different is your relationship with your cousin, by the way? I want to know.

Oh! I just remembered! I've asked my mom about spending winter break with you and she agreed for me to go, but I have to ask my dad about it. My whole expression changed when she mentioned dad. I hadn't spoken a word to him for a long time, and now I have to ask him for permission to go. I hope he'll let me.

Until next time!

Sakura


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Hey, everybody! How are you all doing? The manga finally ended last week, but what did you guys think of the ending? Honestly, I think Hinata should've become clan leader instead of marrying Naruto. She has so much potential.

Here's the chapter you guys have been waiting for. It has some NejiHina in it, so I hope you'll like it!

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Chapter Six

**To: Sakura**

**From: Hinata**

**Re: Subject: (no subject)**

I understand. Don't worry about it! I've been busy studying too. Good luck with the finals, Sakura!

It seems fun that you've been helping your teacher. Seems like your relationship with him is growing. I've been thinking about you and him, though.

Let's say you're getting closer to Hatake-sensei, and then he starts feeling something deep inside him every time he looks at you. He will be in denial about this at first, but then he finally admits to himself that he is in love with you. He has accepted this and let's pretend he tells you how he feels about you. What will you say to him? If you say yes and date him, it might cost his job as a teacher and he might be punished for it—not to mention isolated from society. You can always do it secretly; however there are chances people will find out. There are so many possibilities, but it will be too long to name all of them. But I do hope for the best for you and him. I really do.

I'm very sorry to hear about your problems with your father. I recall that he was a very lively person, especially every time I came over to your house. Do you have any idea what happened that made him change? In my opinion, I think it's because he is getting older. He feels insecure and seeks comfort in another woman. Yet I still think it's terrible he decided to look for it on his mistress inside of your mother, but try to understand his feelings…and your mother's too.

I often wonder if my life would be different if my mother didn't die after giving birth to Hanabi. Father's heart wouldn't turn so cold, and maybe I would see him smile once in a while directed to me, even though somewhere deep in his heart he still thinks I'm a failure. I wouldn't mind. I just want to see him smile. Unfortunately, I can't change the past. No one can.

One of my earliest memories was meeting my cousin on my third birthday at my grandfather's (my current) house. I remember how sweet he looked at that time and he was always smiling. We often played together every time my parents and I went to visit. Being an only child at that time, I felt lonely and I was always excited to play with him. He was like an older brother to me.

His mother left him and his father. Then some time after Hanabi was born and my mother's passing, his father died. I tried asking my father and grandparents the cause of his death, but they wouldn't say a word to me. My father would yell at me and I would end up crying. What was so wrong for asking, I used to think. I still don't know the reason why. After that, my father decided to completely close his heart and we stopped visiting our family in the country.

Many years later, my grandfather grew ill and father decided for us to move and live at his house. That's when I met Neji-nii-san again. I wasn't particularly excited to meet him again, but I did feel happy. However, he didn't seem to feel the same. Resentment was shown clearly in his eyes. His glare made me feel weak and worthless—it possessed the same power as my father's. I tried to talk to him and get to know him better, but he made it clear he didn't want to talk to someone who wasn't worth his time.

I learned from my father that Neji-nii-san is always at the top of his class. My father told me he wished I could be more like Neji-nii-san—diligent and perfect. I couldn't meet his expectations, causing him to think of me as a failure. I think Neji feels the same way as my father.

School was even more terrible. Everyone bullied me, because of where I come from. They told me my cousin and I are stuck-ups. No matter how hard I try to deny it, they won't listen. Girls would avoid me and mockingly laugh at me when they pass. Boys harassed me. I kept on praying for them to leave me alone, but my prayers didn't come true. I felt abandoned by the gods.

Then a few days ago, I was studying alone in the school library after dismissal and three boys from my class approached me. They pushed my head to my book and told me to get up and follow them. I got up without saying a word and complied.

They led me to a courtyard far behind the school building. The freezing air prickled my skin. I didn't know where we were heading so I forgot wear my coat. Then they started harassing me. I actually did see it coming, but what else could I do? They said they hated how snobby I looked. They called me a stuck-up bitch. They tried to pull up my skirt and open my blouse. The more I told them to stop, the happier they were.

I tried to turn around and run as fast as I could, but a hand gripped my hair and pulled me back. Tears pricked my eyes when he forced me down to my knees and tugged at my hair violently again while they continued to yell at me. I thought my hair would fall off. The snow felt so cold on my bare legs. Their voices are still ringing in my ears as I type these words down.

_Why is this happening to me?_ I thought. I wished I was dead.

All of a sudden Neji-nii-san's hard voice echoed in my ears. It sounded so sweet—I thought I was imagining it. But if I did, why did it have to be his?

I looked up through my tears and saw Neji-nii-san standing tall with his hands planted on his hips. He demanded them to let go of me and promised that no one would get hurt. Of course, they didn't listen. They tugged at my hair harder until a painful shriek came out of my mouth. Then they started insulting him, "You think you're all shit just because you're the president", and they accused him of fucking me, his cousin. They laughed bitterly.

I felt the grip on my hair loosened. All the air that seemed to be sucked out of me filled my lungs again. I remained still on the snow, feeling its sharpness on my palms and legs, while I listened to the sound of punching, kicking, grunting and groaning in pain. I didn't dare look. I felt something warm and wet on my panties. I waited for the snow beneath my legs to turn yellow, but it didn't.

It was all over in a few minutes, and then I heard footsteps running away towards the opposite direction. I felt something warm placed on my back and the tears just stopped. I looked over my shoulder and met Neji's gaze. I couldn't believe my eyes. His usual ice-cold eyes were looking at me softly, almost pitifully. With a gentle voice, he asked me if I was all right. I nodded, astonished. His cheek was bruised, there was a cut on his lower lip, and his neat uniform was crumpled.

With his help, I struggled to my feet, still trembling. I told him that his lip was bleeding, but he played it cool and shook it off, saying it was nothing. I expressed my worry to him, asking him what would happen to him and his position as the student council president after beating those boys up. He said it was nothing for me to worry about and that he would take full responsibility.

"Besides, I don't mind losing it for protecting you." He said.

Ever since that day, I now go to school and come home everyday with him by my side. The way he spoke to me changed. His voice is now gentle every time he talks to me. His gaze is so tender as if one look would make me crash into small pieces. I feel like my chest is about to explode every time I walk beside him, and my cheeks feel so hot. Is this how you feel, Sakura, every time you take a glimpse on Hatake-sensei?

Hinata


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